


Bro's Eventful Adventure To Washington, And What Came After

by MakeAStriderSmile



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Multi, and you will know what pairing this fic really is, but anyone that knows me knows where my grubby soul lies, i am being ambiguous because we all love ambiguous relationships, i do not know how to write Dave in first person pov, there will be fun times, there will be hickeys, there will be the swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 01:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4202007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakeAStriderSmile/pseuds/MakeAStriderSmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first time writing for this particular pairing, my first time writing Dave in proper first person POV</p><p>I had this thought once at like 2 in the morning in the middle of a game of Cards Against Humanity (with that one Dirk that /never/ sleeps, kudos to you friend)</p><p>If you have a problem with the pairing, do feel free to comment and tell me to tag it and i will, despite it taking the fun out of the ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> i should be finishing my ancestral anthology fill
> 
> but nope
> 
> i wrote this instead

“Yo.” A voice from behind me, and I blink in surprise, realizing two things.

One. Bro is home. Two. Bro has not been home in weeks and I hadn’t even noticed.

 

“Where the fuck have you been?” I ask, raising my brows at him over my shades, and he just smirks in return, leaning against my doorframe, and… I see something I really wish I hadn’t. My bro has the most obvious hickeys I have ever seen on his neck.

 

“Went to Washington for a little. Got a boyfriend while I was there. Was pretty chill.” Bro replies easily. Wait… Washington?

 

“Did you see John and stuff while you were there?” I ask, a little too eagerly. My best bro Egnerd lives in Washington, and Bro usually makes a point to visit them when he is doing his DJ’ing in a surrounding state. He always returns with either a card from John, some cake from John’s dad, or both. John’s cards always contain him apologizing for never coming to ‘the hottest place in the fucking universe dave can’t you just move here or something’ or it’s him talking about his stupid movies.

 

“Yeah, course I saw ‘em. Your ridiculous lil friend got ya a card, it’s in the kitchen. Cake is with it. Dad made yellow cake this time ‘round.” Bro calls John’s dad ‘Dad’ much like everyone does. And I mean everyone. I don’t think he even has a name.

 

“Aw, yis, Egbert cake.” I stand, fully prepared to get me a slice of that. Then, I turn, frowning at Bro and asking him with a raised brow, “Who’s your boyfriend, then? Did you find another weirdo in short-shorts?”

 

“Jake’s shorts were of a totally appropriate height, lil man, and you’ll do well to remember that. But nah. He doesn’t wear short shorts, which is a damn shame. He would look fine in them.” Bro tells him with a slightly leery look in his eyes, and you can tell he’s definitely thinking about this new boyfriend of his in short-shorts. Fan-fucking-tastic.

 

“Gross, bro, stop. Fantasize about him somewhere else. I’m gonna talk to John tonight to say thanks for all the shit, keep the smuppets out of sight for an hour or so.” I tell him, and somehow, he just manages to smirk more smugly than you have ever seen.

 

“Alright, tell him hi from me, say hi to his dad as well.” With that, he winks, and flashsteps right over to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. He doesn’t lock it, because we don’t have any secrets between us or anything. All the same, I don’t go in there. Last time I did, I saw some weird shit. It was also how I met his last boyfriend. Jake was pretty cool, and I still talk to him sometimes, but when he left Bro because he was going travelling, I knew that Bro took it pretty hard. That’s why I’m pretty excited about whoever this new boyfriend of his is.

 

All that aside, I open up Skype, and of course, John is online, as well as Rose and Jade. I have no fucking clue how they’re always online when I am, but it’s a pretty cool deal, so I don’t look a gift horse (or cake) in the mouth (unless I’m eating the cake).

 

“Dave!” John exclaims happily when I start the call, his dorky mug bright with excitement. It must be pretty damn freezing there, because John is wearing more layers than I’ve ever seen him in, long sleeves, a sweater and a thick scarf that nearly comes up to his mouth. Guess winter comes early for people in Washington.

 

“Yo, John. Thanks for the cake and shit. Didn’t look at your card or nothin’, but I’ll take a look when I’m done talkin’ to you.” I greet in response. “You cold there, bro? You look like you’re wearin’ your whole closet.”

 

John, oddly enough, just laughs, shaking his head. “Nah, I’m not that cold really, it’s just that I don’t wanna risk getting a cold or anything.”

 

“Riiiiight.” I shake my head. Fucking weirdo, he was. “So, how was Bro while he was at yours? I trust he didn’t behave in the slightest.”

 

“You know him too well, Dave.” John says, shaking his head and chuckling. “Nah, all that shit aside, he was fine. Nothing to worry ab-” He is interrupted when an oddly disheveled Dad appears in the doorway.

 

“Son, have you seen my tie? I think I lost it when-” He spots me and he goes oddly darker than his usual nearly albino pale. “Oh. Hello there, young Strider. How are things at home? Your brother feeling alright?”

 

“Er, yeah, far as I know he’s fine, he didn’t look like he was dyin’ or anything.” I tell him, slightly confused. “He got a boyfriend apparently, that was pretty cool.” This fact only makes Dad flush a little darker.

 

“Of course, of course. That’s lovely to hear. Er… son, I’m going to head out, you be good now.” Dad kisses John on the top of the head, nods at me in a stern fatherly way, and heads out.

 

“Is he alright there? He looked kinda sick.” I ask, frowning.

 

“Oh, er, no, he just got a partner recently and they’ve really been wearing him out. He’s not made nearly as many cakes as usual.” John tells me, looking a little flushed as well now.

 

I blink for a few moments, putting all of this together in my head, before forcing a bright smile. “Super happy for your dad, bro, good to know he’s finally gettin’ some. I’m gonna go read that card now, you have a good day.” With that, I hang up the call on John’s confused face and waving, and sink back against the couch, groaning.

 

“I think my Bro is dating my bro’s Dad.” I groan to myself, and this revelation is not nearly as good as it sounds. For one, I have no interest in being related to John if the two ever get married or something. For two, I really did not need to think about any of this, and for three, I now know that John’s dad gets really bitey and that’s a factoid I could have gone without.

 

I don’t say anything to Bro, God knows he’ll be all smug as shit about it, and I do not need to hear him bragging about banging John’s dad.

  
At least the cake is good, though.


	2. The Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the truth comes out

It has been three months since ‘the revelation’. Bro has gone to Washington six times now, and comes home every time, covered in hickeys and looking absurdly pleased. I have finished my degree in paleontology, and I’m applying for a new degree, one in music. I decide, this time, I’m going to branch out, and I’m going to Washington. John always had wanted me to move there. And Bro took the opportunity and ran with it, renting out a little apartment a few blocks away from my dorm. And he thought I would be the one having separation anxiety. Bullshit.

 

The first thing I do after getting my stuff settled in my dorm (I’m rooming with this crabby asshole who’s majoring in literature and doing a minor in family law or social justice type shit.) and, of course, going to make sure Bro’s got his apartment settled (he’s filled the damn thing with smuppets and shitty movies, movies he doesn’t even like but apparently keeps them around now for irony) is going to see John. Despite it being quite balmy in Washington (though not nearly as comfortably warm as Texas is) the weirdo is in full winter clothing.

 

“Dude. Seriously? It’s like 60 degrees right now, why are you in a full scarf and beanie sitch?” I ask, deadpan, narrowing my eyes at him.

 

“Maybe I really am coming down with something, Dave, did you consider that?” John retorts, huffing indignantly and narrowing his eyes right back.

 

“Considering every time I ask, you insist your dumb ass is fine,  I kinda doubt that you’re really comin’ down with somethin’.” I reply shortly.

 

“You’ve certainly got him there, don’t you Dave?” A polite and stern fatherly voice rings out from behind us, and there is John’s dad, hand in hand with a woman.

 

“Oh, hey, you two! Finally, both here at the same time as Dave is!” John announces brightly. “Dave, meet Mom, that’s Dad’s girlfriend.”

 

…..

…..

“What?” I ask, perhaps a little lamely, mouth all agape.

 

The woman steps forward, staggering for a moment, coming to a stop in front of me. All I can smell is warm gin and perfume. “Iss pree much what he said, honey.” she says happily, voice slurred with drink. “I’m datin’ this lil nerd ovah there.” She points over at Dad, who waves.

 

“I…. right. Okay. Nice to meet you, I guess.” She holds out a hand, I take it and she kisses the damn thing, leaving a print of black against the slightly tanned white of my hand.

 

Now my thoughts are all confused as fuck. If Dad is dating this broad, then… who the hell did Bro meet? And why was John’s dad so damn unsettled when he saw me that one time?

 

A knock at the door breaks my concentration, and John lights up. “That’s my cue to leave, sorry!”

 

“Aw, c’mon, John, I came over to see ya and you’re bailing on me for… who?”

 

“My boyfriend, of course.” He replies, as this is not a new thing that I have only just now heard of.

 

“Your what?” I ask, sounding a bit like a broken record. Dave Strider is just full of questions today.

 

“He was pretty damn clear about it, lil’ man, he doesn’t need to repeat it. ‘Sides, we’re late for the movie, he doesn’t have time to chat.” Oh, for god’s fucking sake.

 

“Dirk, don’t be rude, Dave is going to go into shock and then where will we be?” John replies, joy clear in his voice, and…

 

“Wait, you seriously call him by his first name now?” I ask, narrowing an accusing glare on my best friend. My best friend, who is, apparently, dating my fucking bro.

 

“‘Course he does, he couldn’t keep calling me Bro. Made it weird when we made out.”

 

“Oh my fucking god, bro, please don’t ever bring that up again, I don’t ever want to think about it.”

 

“Why not? He’s pretty good.”

 

John’s dad interrupts, looking almost as grossed out as I am. “That’s enough, Mr. Strider, you just… go on ahead, I’m sure John will meet you out there.”

 

“Mkay.” Bro steps forward, pressing a kiss to the top of John’s head and grinning at me for a moment before leaving the house.

 

John goes to follow, and I grab his arm, lowering my shades to make sure he knows I’m serious as fuck. “We are seriously talking about this later, Egbert.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it for a second, Dave.” John replies, smirking. “But for now, I have a date. Dirk promised he’d take me to go see Ghostbusters when we saw it was showing. He even promised he’d actually watch it and not distract us.”

 

With that, he’s leaving, and I have a sudden thought.

  
John Egbert is dating my 37 year old brother, despite the 16 year age gap, and by God, he really likes leaving hickeys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it done
> 
> going right down to hell where i belong now

**Author's Note:**

> ;;;;;;;;;;;;;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))  
> brojohn is literally my heart and soul, fun fact about me  
> it is my second favorite ship after davekat


End file.
